A message I found on the bottom of a drawer, in a house I booked while on holiday.
“Congratulations you have found the secret drawer, read on or bad luck will come your way! I have placed bodies in this area and if you step outside you will even find one beneath your feet! – Call 028 9080 9080 and ask for a ‘fat one down the throat’ taxi on account, they will understand. Alternatively, this house is fucking awful and the owners are devil worshipping paedophiles – get out while you can! Fuck! Fuck! Suck a fat one! Sincerely your dead granny! ”